Fear of the unknown

Because of a few insurance details that we are still sorting out, I won't schedule my first prenatal visit for another two or three weeks. The birthing center would have scheduled me around then anyhow. A first visit any sooner that about 10 weeks may not allow the midwife to hear the heartbeat and confirm the baby's health.

So, we wait. This was easy at first. But now as friends all around begin sharing news of their first sonogram I am growing nervous. I lie awake at night poking and prodding my belly, worrying at the slightest pain, worrying b/c I do not feel any obvious bulges where the mysterious growing uterus should appear at some point. Worrying because everything seems fine but I have absolutely no proof of a baby inside. I shouldn't say that... I have symptoms, but no hard proof. I have nausea during the day that gets worse by night. I have sore breasts that feel bruised and battered and I have a horribly swollen belly because food that I put in my mouth lately refuses to go through it's due process, it seems.

So, I wait.


-Mandi