Well Done, Weary and Humbled Parent

Three months pregnant! Oy vay, I was this big at 5 months with Noa!!!

Even though I passionately despise dreary, cold weather, I am giddy with excitement for this Winter because I will spend its entirety watching this pregnant belly grow! While increasing size and girth are not usually occasions to celebrate (for a woman, anyways), when it is all due to the miraculous growth of a baby in utero, I could not be more amazed. This is one of the few similarities I am finding between this pregnancy, so far, and my previous. Some other elements have been very different. First trimester nausea was one. Many of you heard me complain for weeks and weeks about my misery, and it just wasn't that awful the first time around. Pure muck.

Another very different element has been my parental state of mind. Being given a chance to conceive and then parent leaves me feeling special. Not "special", like Aunt Bee's butterscotch pecan pie, but "special" like the child who receives an undeserved gift from her Daddy. It was never promised to me, and I had little reason to believe that such a grand responsibility would ever be granted to me. However, it was! I was so astonished, throughout my pregnancy with Noa, that I gave little thought to the heavy sacrifice of motherhood. I would take it in stride and cross bridges when we came to them, I thought. The bridges, however, turned out to be long, steep, and daunting, with few places to rest or take refuge. I was tried, tested, and broken, and wondered why I was ever thought to be worthy of such a gift. In my own eyes, I was no longer a strong and capable person, resilient and unflappable. I was just a girl with a baby, and with no idea how to become a mother. Through many months of pain, many encouraging words by friends and family, and many reminders that I was created for this (even if I was not well - trained or prepared), I began to regain confidence.

And here I am today... a little bit more assured of the strength of my community and faith, and much more aware of my faults and arrogance. Lord, help me to prepare for this chance you've given me to raise another life, and continue to raise the beautiful child who has already taught me so much...

There is a story told in the letter of Matthew (ch. 25), in the Bible, in which a man charges several of his servants to care for his property. To the ones who did well in his eyes, the master told, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" In moments and seasons such as this, I picture myself before God, presenting my child(ren) and hearing Him say, "Well done, weary and humbled mother... You failed in your own strength, but you watched Me wipe your tears and lift your tired arms. The work is done and my grace is sufficient for you". Thank you, thank you, thank you.